INTERNET SOCIALIZING:
TIPS FOR ELEMENTARY SCHOOL
PARENTS
By Mark J. Kline, Psy.D.
Increasing numbers of elementary school-aged
children are socializing on the internet. Using
instant messaging, email, chat rooms, and
other techniques, they can communicate with school
friends as well as strangers. Unfortunately,
parents are often unaware of this “virtual
social life” until trouble begins. To
avoid problems keep the following in mind:
1. Internet socializing can be like any
other unsupervised gathering.
It may involve harassment and foul language,
scapegoating, bullying, teasing, and pranks. Some
of this is in good humor, but children can easily
feel hurt and ganged up on.
2. Internet Socializing can also be unlike
traditional socializing.
The “remote” nature of online communication
means that children typically don’t see
or hear each other while “chatting.” The
lack of non-verbal cues can encourage inappropriate
behavior and misunderstandings.
Children may assume that the internet offers
a private, safe means of sharing personal information,
which can become problematic if private details
are later broadcast publicly.
Children may also draw wrong conclusions about
the identities and intentions of strangers they “meet” online--a
potentially dangerous habit.
3. Learn about computers and the internet
Like any other appliance in your home, a computer
shouldn’t be available to your children
unless you understand how it works and the risks
and benefits of use.
4. Be specific and emphatic about which
personal details are absolutely restricted.
Children should never share their real name,
address, telephone number, credit card number,
social security number, birthdate, or any other
identifying detail over the internet, even with
someone they think they know, without your permission
and participation. You can explain that
this is to protect the safety and financial well-being
of the family.
Violations should be cause for serious
consequences
5. Monitor and supervise internet use
by elementary school-aged children
The computer should be in a public room with
the screen easily observable to others. Parents
should have no hesitation about observing the
child during computer use. If children
feel this is an invasion of privacy, explain
that privacy in internet use comes when they
are older and have proven that they are mature
and responsible.
Maintain the passwords to all email accounts
and check them regularly.
The internet is an extremely poor babysitter,
akin to leaving your child alone in a bus station. Restrict
the activity to times when you are around.
6. All in-person meetings with internet
friends are to be arranged by and through parents
While good friendships can be initiated and
sustained over the internet, initial meetings
must be carefully screened and monitored by parents. You
should be very suspicious of any child whom your
child "meets" online and who wants
to arrange an in-person meeting with your child. Telephone
the parents of this new contact and be present
when the children meet.
7. Insist on basic social decorum for
internet communication
Let your children know that you expect them
to use the same tact, manners, and politeness
on the internet that they use at home and in
school. If your children are involved in
any inappropriate interaction involving this
kind of behavior, they should expect to tell
you about it, and they should expect consequences.
8. Parents need to be informed if children
are the victims of internet harassment
Joking and teasing among kids is normal, and
different children have different thresholds
of sensitivity, but when individuals are singled
out for especially harsh or vicious treatment,
parents need to be notified and involved. If
your child reports harassment, learn about the
episodes and attempt to contact parents of involved
children, the internet service provider, or the
police. School staff can be helpful in reviewing
your options, but are not responsible for internet
socializing which takes place away from school.
9. Don’t hesitate to restrict or
remove internet privileges if problems occur
Parents should take firm steps when internet
socializing interferes with family life, schoolwork,
social life, exercise, or time management.
10. Consider Internet Monitoring Software
Some packages allow monitoring of all social
discourse, so you would know exactly which messages
your child sent out, and which were received. If
you use one of these, be sure your children know
it, and be prepared for them to use lots of abbreviations
and code words that they may need to translate
for you.
11. Know your child!
Some children can handle internet socializing
responsibly while others run wild. Make
a careful and realistic assessment of who your
child is. Personalize your internet management
strategy based on the needs and characteristics
of your child.
Dr. Kline is Associate Director of The Human
Relations Service, Inc. in Wellesley, Massachusetts
and a clinical psychologist in private practice. He
can be contacted at HRS, 11 Chapel Pl., Wellesley,
MA 02481, 781-235-4950. Email: MKlinePsyD@comcast.net
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